BBC News

“Talking” CCTV cameras that tell off people dropping litter or committing anti-social behaviour are to be extended to 20 areas across England.

They are already used in Middlesbrough where people seen misbehaving can be told to stop via a loudspeaker, controlled by control centre staff.

About £500,000 will be spent adding speaker facilities to existing cameras.

Home Secretary John Reid told BBC News there would be some people, “in the minority who will be more concerned about what they claim are civil liberties intrusions”.

“But the vast majority of people find that their life is more upset by people who make their life a misery in the inner cities because they can’t go out and feel safe and secure in a healthy, clean environment because of a minority of people,” he added.

The talking cameras did not constitute “secret surveillance”, he said.

“It’s very public, it’s interactive.”

[…]

Competitions would also be held at schools in many of the areas for children to become the voice of the cameras, Mr Reid said.

…so we’ll have pre-recorded seven year olds barking “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”, like when I was at school, yes? Rather more freudianly terrifying would be “Oi, you two, stop shagging, we can see you, we know what yer doo-ing!”.

The ludicrousity continues:

Downing Street’s “respect tsar” …

RE’SPEC, KNOWHADIMEEN INNIT?

…Louise Casey, said the cameras “nipped problems in the bud” and reduced bureaucracy.

…and turns the country into a laughing stock. The best bit of the article is this:

But opponent and campaigner Steve Hills said: “Apart from being absurd, I think it’s rather sad that we should have faceless cameras barking at us on orders from who? Who sets these cameras up?”

Well! There’s a thought! I rather look forward to setting up my own!

Madam! Your hair’s a complete fright! How can you go out like that?