To the guy in Hart Leisure Centre Men’s Changing Room with your junk hanging out, swinging free and hairy as you sit on the wall-mounted slatted bench so that you are seen immediately upon opening the door from the hallway with your half-towel rumpled up round your belly…

Please. Really. Don’t bother. I’m straight and I’ve seen better.

Perhaps you’re just thoughtless in which case don’t do it again; if you’re a closet naturist that’s great, I know several, but there are beaches and mountains where you can enjoy healthy fresh air – rather than Hart Gym Men’s Changing which all too often smells rankly of Lynx to the point that I have other reasons to retch.

If you’re quietly proud of your manhood then please keep it quiet. And look into manscaping while you’re at it.

Otherwise like the rest of us please leave the showing-off to those with something worth seeing, in contexts where it’s not a surprise to people who are in a rush.