I was one of the first people in the UK to test-ride the new KTM 950 Adventure on saturday morning; rode to Harrow to the nearest KTM dealership, queued and went for a blast. I am very very very very very very very very very glad to have been accompanied by Roy and Simon in this endeavour, not least because Simon offered to follow me on his Ducati 748.

The KTM is a brand spanking new 950cc V-twin, and it struck me that being as this was the largest cycle I’d ever ridden, plus being an insanely powerful V-twin, then having a mate follow me on another insane V-twin was a really really really good idea.

Eg: 0-60 in about four seconds, without even getting close to redlining it.

It was a lovely beast, notable because I could barely get my feet on the floor whilst riding it. It’s a lot taller than my current bike – actually, a more apt description would be it’s fucking enormous even for someone like me – with a seat height of 915mm, twin fuel tanks (!) three fuel taps (!!) and remote preload, plus forks that dive like an olympic swimmer.

Puts out 98hp, weighs a tad less than 200Kg. Wild, and I didn’t come down from the rush for about an hour. We then went window shopping at a Ducati dealer, in order to balance our karma.

I didn’t actually disport myself very well, stalled it a few times and my riding style went entirely to pot in the face of trying not to kill myself and/or face a big insurance bill for dropping it – but that’s to be expected. I need practice on big bikes. Either way, I look forward to the big bikes / an eventual upgrade.

Spent the afternoon washing my Honda, to makeup for being unfaithful.

Oh dear. Suzi’s just had another fit. It’s almost fallen into a routine, now – take her into the darkened bathroom with a towel over her head (due to pupil dilation) – restrain and reassure her a bit, stroke her to calm her, wait for her to come out of it, and then put her down and watch as she gets a serious case of the “munchies”, eats, and then goes all lovey-dovey.

Maybe she needs “senior” catfood or somesuch?