So I saw the news yesterday, and supposed that I ought to write something about the loss of data perpetrated by the Inland Revenue; but to be frank I cannot be arsed.

I can already imagine the potential exposure, risk, and damage. That’s the sort of thing that I think about for fun, so having a worked-example dumped in front of me is not particularly interesting. I can expound several much more interesting scenarios, over the course of a couple of beers. This is small-fry.

I already understand that the Government, like a lot of other large, bureaucratic organisations, is incapable of managing sensitive data.

I also understand that the notion of Government data privacy is a mockery, and that any National Identity Card will be a disaster from a data-security persepective, not to mention achieve absolutely none of its stated aims, for an enormous cost.

Come to that, most of the people with whom I work would agree with me on the above, so I see little reason to add another voice of condemnation into the mix.

So far, so polemical.

What does scare me, however, is what will come next.

We’ve seen how the Government responds to terrorist threats with “security theatre“; extrapolating from this I expect a spate of horse-bolted arse-covering of truly inertial proportion[1].

The Lords will be brought back to pontificate about adding BSI-Kitemarks to websites with which you can transact safely.

There will be Government subcommittees on encryption for British business. Processes will be created. Standards will be demanded.

We may even see the hairy matter of “escrow” once again raise its head, once the proposition for ubiquitous cryptography is mooted, possibly justified because of the need to keep encryption away from paedophiles.

Run and hide, my fellow security geeks. The universal experts – politicians, journalists and lawyers – will soon be arriving to tell us how to do our jobs, and none of their “solutions” will be pertinent to “using a decent shipping company and/or practing basic data hygiene”.

What we need now is a really good political sex scandal, and fast.

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[1] like “momentous”, but less tangential. Physics pun. Sorry.