– Rachel supplies me with a huge frozen trout steak, basically the entire dorsal midsection of a 5 to 6lb fish.

– Defrost

– Wash, pat dry with paper towel

– Large sheet of foil, two lemon wedges as “chocks”, place fish on wedges, more lemon and 3 sprigs fresh thyme inside fish; add salt, pepper, fold foil to make airtight but easily opened parcel.

– Parcel on metal dish in case of leakage, preheated electric oven, 200C for 25 minutes. Push timer button. Beep.

– Nip outside with basket to collect fresh salad from garden.

– Return after 10m with much salad

– Lovely trout smell permeating kitchen

– Cat getting excited by smell of fish

– Prep and wash salad in sink

– Cat going gradually berzerk. Walking tripwire, trying to get under human’s feet, that sort of thing.

– Spin salad, plate it.

– “Ding”

– Open oven door, extract parcel. Open parcel, trout done to perfection.

– Remove skin, fins, bones, and half-section the fish. Cat being a nuisance, under table at ground zero.

– Extract some meat from the trimmings, walk over, place in cat-bowl.

– Cat still staring at table.

– Call cat over.

– Cat stares at table.

– Wave bowl of trout scraps at cat.

– Cat still staring at table.

– Pick up cat, place by food bowl. Cat notices fishy smells on fingers, tracks fingers ignoring fish meat in bowl.

– Point at trout meat. Cat tracks fingers there and back, waiting to be given meat, regardless of meat already in bowl.

– Wash hands, return to table, carve off extra hazelnut-size morsel as special treat for cat.

– Cat still by food bowl. Hold treat out, drop treat into bowl.

– Cat misses drop, still stares at fingers.

– Cat examines alternative food-bowl, containing cat food.

– Pick up cat, try to address cat to bowl containing fish.

– Cat considers this an assault upon the feline – possibly potential drowning! – and attempts to flee.

– Drop cat, give up.

– Cat returns to station under table, looking longingly into distance with sadness that it is not being fed yummy fish.

– Return 20m later, cat still staring into distance.

– Place bowl in front of cat. Cat examines bowl, discovers fish. Eats fish.

– Human pours small drink for self.