Dropsafe

by Alec Muffett

The sort of songs one’s Mother used to sing in the car…

…whilst going on vacation to Canada with the family:-

SCHOOL IN CHELTENHAM

I went to school in Cheltenham
At a fashionable Ladies’ College
Where I learnt what’s what
And acquired a lot of
Exceedingly practical knowledge

Our reading; writing, ‘rithmetic
Was positively mediocre
But we got pretty slick
At the three card trick
And we played a pretty hand of poker

We were rather weak at our Latin and Greek
But we worked with considerable fervour
And we had to cram
For our English exam
On Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

I loved my school in Cheltenham
With the chestnut trees so shady.
And I now embrace
All the charm and grace
Of a typical English lady.

I shared a room in Cheltenham
With a daughter of the landed gentry
Whose most refined
Little one-tracked mind
Was completely elementary

Our marks in French and algebra
Were a series of disasters
But at forging cheques
Or at S-E-X
We were absolute past masters

In the upper sixth form we were studying form
And we put on the money with the porter
And at night our Head
Used to tuck us in bed
With an outsized whisky and water

Let’s give three cheers for Cheltenham
Where the chestnut trees are shady
Where I learnt of vice
And all things nice
Like a typical English lady

She also knows/knew 70+ verses of The Ball Of Kirriemuir.

So I blame my parents. 🙂

⊞

Comments

6 responses to “The sort of songs one’s Mother used to sing in the car…”

  1. Weez
    re: The sort of songs one’s Mother used to sing in the car…

    Original was on a record by one Tsai Chin. She (mother) not Tsai Chin, also knows all songs by Paddy Roberts (“Oh, I was a bit of a lad, I admit, My past was a trifle shady, Until in the end I went right round the bend, And married a tatooed lady.” Etc. Or, “He was just a lavender cowboy, with only 3 hairs on his chest.” Etc. Additionally, she knows several different versions of the Ram of Derbyshire. Quite a girl, in fact.

    Reply
  2. Valerie Oram

    I have wanted the words to “My school in Cheltenham” for so Long, (I am now in my seventies) , and was amazed that someone had the same strange taste in music that I have. Would love to make contact with anyone who loves those good old “fun” songs.

    Reply
  3. Maureen Clarke

    Hello I would love to get in touch with Valerie Oram, as I also love the old songs and would like to hear about more of them as I go and entertain the elderly in nursing and residential homes, when I am well enough to do so. Regards Maureen

    Reply
  4. alecm

    Hi Maureen,

    I have forwarded this information to Valerie, and will let you know if it works.

    Reply
  5. Annis Sokol (Farrow)

    I went to Cheltenham Ladies College and it was a marvelous school. I had the best education in the world. We sang this song at the end of my second year for the finale of the Lower College entertainment. The verses we sang were not the same as these though. The lyrics were improved. I still sing this song to amuse my children. It is the alternative to the Red Flag and usually results in not being asked to sing at parties on a regular basis!

    Reply
    1. Martyn Jones

      Chance in a million, but did you ever spend a week or two at Smiths Industries and meet a young student by the name of Martyn Jones around 1976-1980?

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More posts