When I hear on Radio 4 that there’s some breaking news that:

Not only Tabloids but perhaps also Broadsheets were hacking for stories!

…I think of many boozy evenings in 2011 hanging out with journos and being unanimously told that:

They were all at it. The lot of them. Without exception. Even the ‘good’ guys. Mine’s a G&T.

So I am not surprised by the news that John Humphrys (or, indeed Jim Naughtie) presented this morning; but I do wonder precisely “what is going through his head” when he’s reading it out?

Is it perhaps like a bedtime story where he already knows the story’s punchline, and all the details, but is being forced by circumstance to turn over one fat page per month because we kiddies may only be told the tale… ONE… SLOW… WORD… AT… A… TIME?

And what is it that dictates the pace – the media under investigation? The police? Some dripping stream of embarrassment which wells-up and occasionally bursts its banks, permitting us all to scream “OH, REALLY?” in some pantomime of surprise?

Does it really require an enquiry to follow the story?

It makes me sick.