by Alec Muffett
One of the other big issues I have with “surprise” parties is that the list of attendees reflects the views of whom it is who is organising it, rather than the list of whom is important to [oneself].
It’s ironic that I spend a lot of my life either railing against systems which take autonomy from the individual, or being railed-at about systems which take autonomy from the individual… and then you find people who you think are terribly important but who somehow got missed off the invite list…
…or who can’t be contacted, can’t come or haven’t juggled lives enough yet to declare their intention of coming, although they are hoping to!
As an autonomous individual who had a fair idea her contribution would be unpopular but did it anyway – tough! We happen to be delighted you made it this far – you curmudgeonly old roadrunner, and wish to celebrate the fact: with you!
At the risk of what some might consider churlish and ungrateful, let’s be even more frank.
An extract from an IM conversation with Jon Katz:
jonk: Looks like you’re dropping a not so subtle hint that no-one throw you a surprise party
alecm: am trying. have caught one already, am half-expecting another one in the USA.
alecm: people who don’t usually care to be precise, start asking exactly when i arrive and depart the country
jonk: LOL. they only do it because they care about you, senor Alec
jonk: that’s kind of obvious
alecm: yeah, but all the secrecy means that they miss people they don’t know about
jonk: they aren’t being intentionally exclusionary, though… although your fears do occur
alecm: i know they don’t mean to exclude anyone but a) the problem is real because i have intersecting spheres of friends, some of whom are mutex; b) i have to live with the “i’m sorry that nobody invited [you] to the party, nobody else realised” and c) i get no say in who does and does not come.
alecm: …and i have to be nice.
alecm: …and i have to act surprised
alecm: …and i have to pretend to enjoy that
alecm: I would much rather a “open source” event
Alec, why don’t you just turn the tabels and have your own ssurprise party. 😉
That way, you can invite whomever (whoever?) you want. 🙂
On my birthday 2002, 8000 people were at the Moscone for a SunNetwork event!
That was a great birthday party!
Yeah, also, how do you know what the invite list was and who actually knows? You only see those who added their names to the wiki as they could make it. You don’t see those who couldn’t but know.
Also, we all have different social world fronts, but in todays networked world it’s not impossible to piece it together on someone’s behalf, especially if the reason is celebration a big 0 birthday.
In short, don’t knock the invite list.
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