Another in the Google Provocations series:

I’ve found some truly corking google searches in my logfiles in the past few days:

• christmas tags of motorcycles
• waterloo cute redhead
• crack program open scrambled hot bird channels
• fart doctor media
• download Beethoven’s 5th Movement fart
• hoax picture of bridge denmark and sweden
• pronounce aberystwyth
• st paul’s pillow fight photo
• wagging issues in lesotho politics
• interesting vegetables
• penny farthing amusing photo
• world longest nipples

…and of course, “why men like pornography”; I shall come to this latter question later, but to deal with the other topics cited above:

• I’d suggest that Merry Christmas, With Love was a good tag for a motorcycle
• This surely can’t be the same woman; the query came from Canada, but I was at a beach hotel in Normandy.
• I don’t know how Hot Bird queries landed here, but it’s probably not what you first thought.
• Beethoven and fart jokes? Nope, I have no idea what that’s about.
• The Oresund Bridge between Denmark and Sweden is not a hoax. I’ve been over it. Twice. And it’s lovely. Just don’t bother refuelling in Sweden before you get to Denmark as petrol will be much cheaper when you arrive. And you should know that the Germans will tax you on entry because of the cheapness of the petrol which you didn’t buy in Denmark, because you didn’t know to buy it there.
• It doesn’t matter how I pronounce it, it’ll be wrong. What I really need is to ask Jim (and his missus, the gorgeous, stunningly clever and husky-voiced Dr Huws) if they could kindly provide us with a WAV/MP3 file.
• Yes, this really happened.
• “Wagging Issues?”
• Yes, they are, aren’t they?
• I’ve seen small penny-farthings, quite recently. I’d quite like to try a unicycle, though.
• Someone’s evidently been watching Mazda adverts and gotten carried away.

…and as for the person at BellGlobal.com who sought to understand “why men like pornography”, my best advice for them would be to watch the episode “Inferno” from a BBC TV comedy series, “Coupling”.

A synopsis is reprinted elsewhere.